The decision to leave my partner didn't come after one massive fight. And if our separation was waiting in the wings, I wasn't aware of it. Just last year we were raising a then-2-year-old, all bubbly, inquisitive and joyful, and had entered the summer with ambitions of sharing our love of the outdoors with her. We bought a canoe and planned family getaways. But trouble was lurking just below the surface. We'd gone to three different counselors in our four-year partnership and couldn't seem to escape our cyclical problems. I was in a fundamentally unhappy place and needed to get out. I spent a few days reviewing our finances to see if I could afford an apartment before I told my partner, through sobs, that I thought I had to leave him. His response dealt the deathblow to our relationship: "I'm not going to fight for this." Though we considered ourselves married, and even had a celebration for our partnership, we were in an unmarried union that produced a child. According to state data, situations like ours are not uncommon. More than 2,000 Vermont families break up each year, according to filings in family court, and the number of those families involving unmarried parents is on the rise. In fiscal year 2015, half of family court cases related to child support and custody involved unmarried couples, up from 45 percent in FY 2011. Court documents represent only the first step in a long and complicated process. Logistically, it's not easy to separate when everything from car payments to childcare tuition is intertwined with another caregiver. As a newly single parent, I found support hard to come by. A year after my separation, I still sometimes feel like I'm starting over. But by sharing a piece of my story, I hope to offer insight on what's out there for other separating parents — and to let them know they are not alone. A Home of Your Own Transitioning from one household to two is like trying to organize a funeral while grieving a painful loss — only the process is prolonged. Figuring out who will live where can be complex. In Vermont, high housing prices and low wages complicate matters. At first, my ex moved into the basement of our house and we made it work for the month it took me to find a place I could afford. I…
The decision to leave my partner didn't come after one massive fight. And if our separation was waiting in the wings, I wasn't aware of it. Just last year we were raising a then-2-year-old, all bubbly, inquisitive and joyful, and had entered the summer with ambitions of sharing our love of the outdoors with her. We bought a canoe and planned family getaways. But trouble was lurking just below the surface. We'd gone to three different counselors in our four-year partnership and couldn't seem to escape our cyclical problems. I was in a fundamentally unhappy place and needed to get out. I spent a few days reviewing our finances to see if I could afford an apartment before I told my partner, through sobs, that I thought I had to leave him. His response dealt the deathblow to our relationship: "I'm not going to fight for this." Though we considered ourselves married, and even had a celebration for our partnership, we were in an unmarried union that produced a child. According to state data, situations like ours are not uncommon. More than 2,000 Vermont families break up each year, according to filings in family court, and the number of those families involving unmarried parents is on the rise. In fiscal year 2015, half of family court cases related to child support and custody involved unmarried couples, up from 45 percent in FY 2011. Court documents represent only the first step in a long and complicated process. Logistically, it's not easy to separate when everything from car payments to childcare tuition is intertwined with another caregiver. As a newly single parent, I found support hard to come by. A year after my separation, I still sometimes feel like I'm starting over. But by sharing a piece of my story, I hope to offer insight on what's out there for other separating parents — and to let them know they are not alone. A Home of Your Own Transitioning from one household to two is like trying to organize a funeral while grieving a painful loss — only the process is prolonged. Figuring out who will live where can be complex. In Vermont, high housing prices and low wages complicate matters. At first, my ex moved into the basement of our house and we made it work for the month it took me to find a place I could afford. I…